1st Weekend of the Year

It's already the first Friday of the year. We are looking forward to the first weekend of the first working week. A few colleagues took leave to bring their children to school. I remember Jesse's first day in Standard One. I was there. I had a more flexible schedule then. It was an orientation.

His Standard One teacher didn't like him. Jesse was expressive and active. But praise God that he had good teachers for the following five years. He left primary school with 7 distinctions in his UPSR.

In a way you can say he is following his old man's (hey, this is the first time I refer to myself this way) footstep. I only had 4 As and 2 Bs in my Standard Five exam (I don't know what it's called. In Chinese it's 检定考试.) I remember I didn't pay much attention to it because I was told I would still go to secondary school regardless of the results. I remember when my form teacher announce the results, I suddenly got very excited because two of my friends got 5 As. I wanted to have 5 As if not more. Alas, I got 4.

But it was different in my SRP (now PMR). I just got to know God better. I read the Bible. I prayed. I didn't go to church. I just joined the Christian Fellowship in my school, Catholic High School. I had 8 A1s. There were only two of us. That was the beginning of my fall.

I became arrogant. I believe I could do everything. I didn't give God the glory that He alone deserves. I took 9 subjects in SPM (now still SPM) and TOEFL and O level English (1119). I got quite good score in TOEFL and A2 in 1119. Friends told me I am on the way to be a 10 As student. (Again, in our school, only two got As for 1119. The other one is good in English and so so in other subjects.) Alas, in the 9 subjects, I got half the As I got in SRP.

Still, I didin't wake up from my dream. I floundered in TAR College and I think I still have not really got back on my feet.

Jesse got 7 As in his UPSR, silencing all the critics and doubters. (I could wave the result slip in front of the Standard One teacher but that's not something I like to do.) He had a surgery to remove his nasal polyps in Nov 2005 thereby missing the entire month of extra class during school holidays (see Do You Take Care of Your Health and Jesse is Back Home!) and had to wear a cast for 6 months when a friend decided it was fun to push him. (Jesse wears a cast.) He went against all odds to get that result. God was with him.

Now, due to my influence and possible encouragement and definite lack of discouragement, he is obsessed with computer games. I have to take responsibility for this. This son who brought joy to my parents' hearts when he sang praise and worship songs before bedtime when he was four, who read the Bible in a year, who prayed for people to get saved, who always reminds me of God's grace is now hooked on a fictitious world (or worlds since he plays more than one game). Video message from China had no effect. (I got a brother to record a message using my iPAQ.)

I am sad. I have always wanted to be a good father. The reality is that I am not being a good father. I don't bring my son closer to God. I don't manage my household well. Hence, I will not be so big-headed to think I can do much in the house of God.

I feel very tired. I just want to stay away for a while. There are good people who are willing to do work for God. Some even willing to do bidding of man who claims to speak for God. I need a rest.