No fear

Catch me on the 6th season of Fear Factor, Busybodies Special Edition.

Just kidding. You know I am kidding, don't you? You do? Thank you.

What depression?

Two pair of my shoes were stolen from my house. I have one pair left, the shiniest of the three. At least I still have one pair of shoes.

If two days ago I was moody, yesterday (despite losing 2 pairs of shoes) I rebounded. God, prayer supports and the appreciation by my teammates combined to lift me up.

I will spend more time with my mentee in the office. I want her to mature into a confident and capable consultants. She is moving to a place very near my house. Ha. Who's gonna stop us now? I am going to pour my life experiences and knowledge into her. She's going to pick it up. Cool.

Next two weeks are packed for the team. I hope to get a little break in Nov. I want to visit my sister and my little niece, Nicole in Sandakan.

I spoke to my elder (hey, if you are reading this, it's you. We met over breakfast. Do leave a comment if you read this.)

Point: People like to talk to me. Perhaps due to my willingness to listen. Perhaps it has to do to my busybody nature. As such, I have been given many opportunities to help (many times just lending my ears.)

So, I want so ensure this channel of communication is not broken, organization change or not. Well, if there is anyone who is anti-establishment, I could be one. Structure the organization anyway you want, I will still love and care for the people I love and care.

Can't wait for the NBA to start. I'd like to see if there are any changes.

In the English Premier League, I expect Chelsea to repeat their magnificent feat least year.

That's all for now.

I am a bad man

Perhaps one of the baddest around.

A few days ago, I wrote a 'nasty' mail to a leader in the church, questioning his motive in 'taking over my turf.' He requested to meet me to talk about it. I have yet to agree to his time and place. I have not been seeing my parents for a few days. This is abnormal.

In another unrelated incident, I proved myself to be a mean person.

A colleague made a mistake with an installation. We tried to solve the problem to no avail so we contacted our principal. We followed the suggestions given and the problem was not solved. I reported tihs. The support team repeated what was suggested and wanted to know if we really did what was told. I got a bit hot and started to respond 'professionally' (meaning, no mercy.) I changed my mind at the last minute and said something simple instead. I told the support team that we have tried all the suggestions and they didn't work. We would consider the case close even when the problem is not solved since there seemed to be no solution.

The support person (a young lady) called me from Shanghai and told me she felt bad for not being able to solve the problem. She offered to help us investigate the matter online. I have already asked my team to reinstall the product, so there was nothing to see. I feel bad that she felt bad.

Now that we have re-installed it, we got back the same problem!

I have reported this and hopefully we can find a solution.

I am so short tempered lately. My colleague said yesterday was hot. But they don't feel the heat in me. This is not holy fire burning with passion for God and for souls, this is unnecessary fury and anger.

I hope this will past real soon. I may explode on someone I love.

Depressed? Me?

If I am to get a report card for my life every quarter, I'd probably get something like this.

Relationship with God - C
Family - C-
Church - B-
Work - A-
Personal - C

This is obviously not a very balanced life.

I enjoy working with my team. I believe this is one of the best team I have ever worked with. The team has a good blend of professionalism, experience, knowledge, fun and most important of all, chemistry. I also like to stick my nose where it's not invited (but not necessarily unwelcomed.) I try to be pro-active with projects. I anticipate problems and try to prevent them or at least be prepared for them.

The family and church portion of my life is nothing to shout about. Neither is my relationship with God. If in the beginning of the quarter (3rd quarter) there was a fire burning in me - fire set by God and fanned by prayer support - now it's dying. What could have caused this? I don't know, it could have been a lot of things.

The church has been talking a lot about the importance of mentoring. I now have a good chance to mentor my own mentee in the work place. And I spend too much time doing 'my own' things that I have little time for my mentee. Granted, I cannot bear to see my teammates working on issues and / or problems on their own. That's just me. But by doing so, I have neglected my own apprentice. I guess time management has never been my strength.

While I think I have been able to contribute to the success of the team, I have not experienced the joy or sense of accomplishment that should come with it. Perhaps I recall the time towards end of last year where I almost lost my job. Yes, I have redeemed myself this year. But the pain and the shame linger on. During the 1st half of the year, I truly thought I have gone over that. But apparently I didn't because that memory came back to haunt me. The prospect of not being able to feed my family is not a very pleasant one.

We are to look forward and not to look back. I am looking back. I don't even dare to imagine what could have happened had I not been given another chance. God is a God of 2nd chance (see the story of Jonah.)

When will I ever get past this?

Keith Green

A sister asked me to check out songs by Keith Green. She told me his songs are very inspirational. After listening to Rushing Wind, You Put This Love in My Heart, He Is Risen and There Is Redeemer, I begin to understand why.

The piano is masterfully played. Another friend told me the late Keith Green is the pioneer of CCM (Contemporary Christian Music.)

Create in Me a Clean Heart has been a song I used very often in my quiet time and prayers.

Inspiring? You have got to be kidding. Of course it is.

Here's a quute by Keith Green, "I repent of ever having recorded one single song, and ever having performed one concert, if my music, and more importantly, my life has not provoked you into Godly jealousy or to sell out more completely to Jesus!" Now, that's something we can look up to.

Another CCM pioneer is Rich Mullins, of Awesome God fame . Wow. Music not only can sooth the savage beasts, it can also be an instrument to touch lives.

All glory to Jesus!