Depressed? Me?

If I am to get a report card for my life every quarter, I'd probably get something like this.

Relationship with God - C
Family - C-
Church - B-
Work - A-
Personal - C

This is obviously not a very balanced life.

I enjoy working with my team. I believe this is one of the best team I have ever worked with. The team has a good blend of professionalism, experience, knowledge, fun and most important of all, chemistry. I also like to stick my nose where it's not invited (but not necessarily unwelcomed.) I try to be pro-active with projects. I anticipate problems and try to prevent them or at least be prepared for them.

The family and church portion of my life is nothing to shout about. Neither is my relationship with God. If in the beginning of the quarter (3rd quarter) there was a fire burning in me - fire set by God and fanned by prayer support - now it's dying. What could have caused this? I don't know, it could have been a lot of things.

The church has been talking a lot about the importance of mentoring. I now have a good chance to mentor my own mentee in the work place. And I spend too much time doing 'my own' things that I have little time for my mentee. Granted, I cannot bear to see my teammates working on issues and / or problems on their own. That's just me. But by doing so, I have neglected my own apprentice. I guess time management has never been my strength.

While I think I have been able to contribute to the success of the team, I have not experienced the joy or sense of accomplishment that should come with it. Perhaps I recall the time towards end of last year where I almost lost my job. Yes, I have redeemed myself this year. But the pain and the shame linger on. During the 1st half of the year, I truly thought I have gone over that. But apparently I didn't because that memory came back to haunt me. The prospect of not being able to feed my family is not a very pleasant one.

We are to look forward and not to look back. I am looking back. I don't even dare to imagine what could have happened had I not been given another chance. God is a God of 2nd chance (see the story of Jonah.)

When will I ever get past this?