In this season to be jolly ...

... I am missing the ass-kicking days.

I guess it's only natural for a man to get emo when he is spending Christmas alone on an annual basis. Not putting any blame to anyone though.

I have attended and helped out in many wake services. I sometimes ponder what will people say about me. What kind of legacy will I leave behind?


I long for the days when I would take on any challenges without flinching. I was like a bull or a bulldozer. My mind was focused on getting things done. Nothing was impossible. I probably made my fair share of enemies by not giving face to those expected me to.

I recently had a chance to read about Daniel in the Bible. I don't think Daniel liked being in Babylon. I don't think he enjoyed it one bit. Yes, it was a life of grandeur. But it did not affect his devotion to God.

So, what if I am not in the place I want to be? What if I have to make new friends and start working with different people? What if I don't command the spotlight as much as I did before? What if I am now amongst people who don't know how "good" I am? What if I have to start afresh in such an advanced age?

Do those matter? What does?

One elder once commented that I am like the spark that gets the ball rolling. Now, I am a car that cannot start.

I think I have been going about this the wrong way all this while. The question is not really when. The question is why. Once I get over the excuses I use to stay still, I will be able to start my engine and start cruising.

Merry Christmas!