Parenting II–Parents as Spiritual Coaches

Rev Nicholas Choo, 12/12/2010
Deu 6:1-9  "Now this is the commandment, the statutes and the rules that the LORD your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it,  (2)  that you may fear the LORD your God, you and your son and your son's son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long.  (3)  Hear therefore, O Israel, and be careful to do them, that it may go well with you, and that you may multiply greatly, as the LORD, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey.  (4)  "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.  (5)  You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.  (6)  And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.  (7)  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.  (8)  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.  (9)  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.


What we do as parents, we may forget but our children do not. They tend to remember thing we forgot we have said.
A boy in his last year of primary school had 6 to 8 weeks was bored in class as the teacher were not teaching anymore. He prayed that God helped him to fill the time. He then remember his parents praying for him and for salvations of others every morning. He prayed for the salvation of his classmates – 8 came to Christ through his efforts.
What am I doing today that will leave a legacy of godliness for children in the next generation? Raising up godly children is not a moment but a journey.
A video clip is shown about 3 prison volunteers from 3 generations as a result of the legacy of the grandfather. More details here.
Consider the two possessions God will take with Him for eternity – His Word and His people.
Parents who obey God will also bring their children to God. And as a result, the will be connected because they are both connected to God.
If we build the Word of God into the people of God (our children) then we can be confident they will inherit the spiritual joy in Heaven.
What must parents, as spiritual coaches, be focusing on as they build His Word into His people?
The passage mentions reverence (v2), obedience (v3), love (v4 and v5). These are character-oriented words. Then the focus shifted from character into competency / application – write (v6), talk (v7) and tie / inscribe (v8 & v9)
We can only give what we have. We write the Word of God into our hearts so we can pass it on to our children.
Rev Nicholas once drove his daughter home and he tried to strike up a conversation by asking her exam and homework. His daughter asked him whether they were in a C-A-R or S-C-H-O-O-L. He realized he showed more concerned about her competency than her well-being.
Rev Nicholas wrote scriptures on the ceiling of his children’s room so that they can see them before they sleep and when they wake up.
We look at our hands more often than any parts of the body. But others see our face (forehead) more often than any parts of our body. The word of God is to be made obvious to ourselves and others.
Spiritual coaching is a relational experience through which parents empower children by sharing God-given resources. We need to nurture courageous children that they are bold enough to speak up for God. To do so, we must build up their characters. The more powerful authority is not what we have (name tags) but who we are (in Christ.)

2 Core Outcomes

Character and competency. Parents as spiritual coaches need to give priority on character. Character without competency is useless. Competency without character is dangerous. Our children need both.

To Dad With Love

A video of the work by Erika Chen (a sand artist) is shown – it was a girl’s appreciation of her dad.
We have time to raise up a child with both character and competency.
The success of Christ’s members is not ministry but maturity. In his many years of ministries, Rev Nicholas has met many people who are talented but yet lacking characters – they are not teachable.
How to develop maturity in the lives of our children? LOVE can be an acronym to Living Out Values Everyday. Parents need to show their children love and good value in daily lives. Teachers teach in school. Parents parent at home. We leave the teaching to the teachers in school. Parents are not teaching a class of children at home. The methodology is no the same. Do not change the home into a school so they will run for home instead of running away from home.

The Two Models of Education

School (classroom)	Home (coaching)
Greek Model	Hebrew Model
Classroom approach	Coaching approach (no need to be loud)
Less personal about life change	Opportunities to relate for better life change
Academic in emphasis	Apprenticeship in emphasis
Superficial in customized practice	Consistent habits for personal practice
Systematic in solution analysis	Hands on with personalized solutions

We are not trying to graduate our children. Every child is different. If we adopt the Hebrew method, we are like the wise man who built his house on a strong foundation.

2 Keys to Coaching

Process & products. When the process is right, normally the product is correct.
Develop personality and then potentials. Do not nurture the potential at the expense of the personality.

We must be mindful of the children’s behavioral tendency.
The 4 dimensions of behavior.

• D – I want to do things My Way
• I – I want to do things the Fun Way
• S – I want to do things the Easy Way
• C – I want to do things the Right Way

If we do not match our coaching with the behaviorial pattern of the children, it will cause a lot of frustrations and stress.