Father’s Day Special

Pastor Chris Kam, 20/06/2010
Ian Kam (Pastor Chris’ eldest son) is on stage. He is 20. Teens today have mobile phones, and not ordinary phones. Pastor Chris did not give him (Ian) a phone. He got a walkie talkie for communicating with his dad after tuition.
Pastor Chris is a hero to Ian. When Ian was 5 he had a list of heroes. Pastor Chris was no. 2. The Father in heaven was no. 1. Even since he was 3, Pastor Chris would bring him to a restaurant on every Monday. Ian got to know his dad better and wanted to grow up to be like him.
His dad was also his friend. They were really close. They talk about anything. He enjoys being with his dad. He has an accident a few months after he got his license. A week prior to the accident, his dad warned him about the perils on the road. When he reached home, his dad told him he told him so and laughed. He told Ian to move on. That gave Ian peace.

His dad was also his mentor and teacher. His values have helped Ian to make many crucial decisions. His dad did not stop him from having  girl friends but told him relationship at his age would never last.
Ian had been through 2 surgeries to treat cancer. Pastor Chris shared this in Floodgates. Ian remembered his dad never showed him a sad face. Pre-surgery, Pastor Chris told him many doctor jokes to put him at ease. Post-surgery, Ian was restless and hopeless. Pastor Chris got up and told him he snores were loud. He told him to move on in life. He was such a hero and friend.
During treatment, Ian felt stressed and look for his dad, who was in the midst of preparing a sermon. He put down his work to talk to him. Pastor Chris never stopped reminding him God was with him.
Ian ended his debut sermon with a video called I'll need you dad.
Pastor Chris took the stage. The greatest joy a dad could have is to see a child doing better than him. Children are a gift or reward to us.
Psa 127:1-5  A Song of Ascents. Of Solomon. Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.  (2)  It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.  (3)  Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.  (4)  Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth.  (5)  Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
Children are gifts to us and like arrows someday we need to let them go. We pray that they will hit the target that God intended for them. But when we let go of the arrow, there are conditions beyond our control, e.g. the wind condition, etc.

When we aim at nothing we will not hit anything. Pastor Chris and his wife told their 3 sons to do the best in whatever they are doing and do it for the Lord.
Many people make bad decisions today. This happens when they don’t have good principles.
Some parents pull the bow but refuse to let go. As parents, we need to learn the art of shooting arrows, aim, and learn the wind conditions.
A boy was asked to describe father’s day and he said it’s like mother’s day except we don’t spend as much.
Father’s day could be very commercialized today but some of us need it because we find it awkward to tell our fathers we love them.
A child is more likely to see God as his father when he sees God in his own father. In many sense, a father is a representative of God the Father.
Mal 4:5-6  "Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the great and awesome day of the LORD comes.  (6)  And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction."
Fatherless is an issue since days of old.
There are fathers who had new born children. They are keen to be learners. There are fathers with empty nests who may regret certain things in life. God is a God of second chances and the children will come back and recognize that their father is wise. And they do have a chance to be a grandfather! Mothers are champions of parenting. Single young people can learn also. A wise person learn something before it hits them. There are also single ladies. They must realized one of the criteria of people to look for is one who is someday going to be a good father to their children.
Pastor Chris grew up seeing his dad as a great man. He grew up in a village called Kangkar Baru, 7 miles from Yong Peng. His dad always had a heart for people. Pastor Chris attributed his calling to be a pastor much to his dad.  He has not learned about expressing his affection and his love was shown in between the lines.
Pastor Chris failed twice in his studies in Australia. It was a tough course and it was expensive to fail. He then received a cassette with a message from his dad who told him it was ok and that he would still support him. Pastor Chris was crying at the end of the cassette. He knew his family loved him for who he was, not what he did. He graduated top 3 in the class.
There are four challenges facing fathers today.

society

The society we live in today is a challenge. No one on his dead bed regrets he / she didn’t spend more time in the office. We often put a low price tag to a high priced item.
In a 2009 census, 33% children in US grew up without their dad. 90% of those children who ran away did not have a father at home. A child with no father are 32x more likely to run away from home.
In the Star, Dec 2009, a study conducted on 1,500 rape victims said they wanted to have sex as a revenge to their parents.

Training

There is generally no deliberate training available. Fathers should be parenting together. Don’t do it alone. Almost all fathers learn on the job.

Defective fathering

We are not perfect because we learn it from our fathers who are not perfect. Our fathers are not perfect because they learn it from their fathers who are not perfect. We can be great fathers.

male ego

Men do not like to ask for directions and instead prefer to ‘figure it out.’ Men also don’t like to join marriage counseling because they want to ‘figure it out' themselves. GPS is a marriage saver. We find mothers’ groups everywhere. Father are generally very lonely.
What do our children need from us?
Mar 1:9-13  In those days Jesus came from Nazareth of Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan.  (10)  And when he came up out of the water, immediately he saw the heavens being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove.  (11)  And a voice came from heaven, "You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased."  (12)  The Spirit immediately drove him out into the wilderness.  (13)  And he was in the wilderness forty days, being tempted by Satan. And he was with the wild animals, and the angels were ministering to him.
When Jesus went into the ministry, the Father was there. What the Father said about Jesus is one of the best things a father can say about his children.
In that one sentence, the father acknowledged the son’s identity, affirmed his love and showed his approval. This was before Jesus did his ministry. We want our children to know they don’t need to earn our love. Our children need us the most when they fail.
Let’s learn to love our children with our 5 senses.

Sight

Presence. We need to be around the home. We often think our presence can be accumulated. Sometimes we think we can compensate our absence by presents. This is a guilt-trigger action. We think whenever we spend time with them in the cinema, in the part, etc. we think we gather ‘points’. Children don’t see it that way. (Note: children spell quality time ‘quantity’.)
A high flying regional executive was called an uncle by his own child after a long trip overseas. He quit the job. Today, they have a wonderful family.
Also, monkey see, monkey do.

hearing

Listen to their hearts. Pastor Chris likes to go back to Yong Peng (where the parents have moved to.) His mom always see him as he was 15.
Parents need to learn to threat their children as adults and to respect their decisions. Let go of the arrow.

smell

Family fragrance and aroma. Different smells reminds of different memories. Does our family carry a fragrance?
2Co 2:14-15  But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere.  (15)  For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing,
Do our children see us give and serve? Pastor Chris was not surprised to see his son became a cell leader because he has seen him serving all his life.
Do our children love to come home? Do people leave our home charged up or discharged?

touch

Expressions. This is a tough one for Asians. Pastor Chris learned how to hug overseas. He’d go into a church as a 19 year old and get hugged by the church members. This has become a culture in his parents’ place in Yong Peng.
Pastor Chris hugs his wife a lot in front of the children because he wants his children to know a great man hugs his wife.
4 hugs a day to survive, 8 hugs a day to maintain and 12 hugs a day to grow.

taste

Experience. Pastor Chris officiated a wedding once. The groom was 25. He testified that he wanted to get married early because he saw how good the parents’ marriage was.
It’s very important for children to know the parents love one another very much.
Fathers build confidence and prepare the children for the world. Mothers play an important role during the early years. During the industrial age, fathers train their children in their trades.
Our ultimate goal is not whether the children behave themselves when they are around us. The ultimate goal is for our children behave themselves when we are not looking.